she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
