I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
