I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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