I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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