I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
