Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
