oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
