MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
