I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
