if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
