there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
