His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
