When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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