I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
