You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
