i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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