I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
