If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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