Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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