whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
