I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
