please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
