Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
