The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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