im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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