can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
