In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
