She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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