i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
