Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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