operation harelip BJ is a go
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
