DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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