I should be sponsored by Trojan
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
