Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
