I am spending my child support on dildos
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
