Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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