so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
