I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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