Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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