So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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