Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
