drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
