New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
