My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
