then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
