Dual....:-)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
