I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
