oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
