but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
