all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
as a side note pls kill me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
