I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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