Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
