It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
