you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
