My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
