she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
