U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
